Quite a bit has been written recently about crying at work for some reason. Articles have appeared in the Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post to name a few. The point of these articles has been that especially for the “new generation” of workers, it is acceptable to cry at work. Well, the workers may be changing but the workplace is as unforgiving as ever.
OK To Cry
There are only two times when it is acceptable to cry at work. The first is when you are physically hurt. If something falls on you, cuts you, bangs into you and you a really hurt – bleeding or not – it is acceptable to cry until or as you are getting First Aid or waiting for the rescue squad to arrive. Of course OSHA is going to be after your employer and it will show up as a work place accident in your personnel file, but at least it is fine to cry when you are hurt. Secondly, a sudden death in the immediate family is another appropriate occasion to cry. This does not mean thinking about your long lost cat or your Great Grandmother who passed away decades ago. What this means is that it is acceptable to cry at work if you are notified while at work that a grandparent, parent or sibling has passed away. Distant relatives do not count. Once you have been notified, make arrangements for vacation time or leave to deal with the death, do not hang around the office in widow’s weeds sobbing away. Death in the immediate family and a significant physical injury are the only two instances where it is acceptable to cry at work. The end.
Why No Crying?
Whether you work for a big company or a small one, whether your are a new employee or ready to retire, whether you are a man or a woman, whether you are young or old, you are judged at work by what you do and how you do it. This applies to your job function, you work, the accomplishment of your objectives and how professionally you perform the tasks and activities that you are paid to perform. But like business attire, work space, language and social interaction, you are judged at work by how you act. Crying, with the exception of injury and death in the immediate family says a couple of things. It says that you are not in control. It says you are sensitive. It may be interpreted as saying you are weak or that you are unstable. Regardless of whether crying is read as one or all of these things, none of them are positives for your JOB much less if you think you have a CAREER (meaning you hope to stay for more than a couple of years and that you hope to advance within the company or organization). Crying can only say bad things about you. The people who say they like to see sensitive men are talking about in bed or at the movies – not in the Board Room.
What To Do?
There are plenty of occasions that could evoke tears from any man or woman in the work place. These include: notices of layoffs or reorganization, a co-worker leaving, the end of an office romance, a poor performance review, a low raise or no raise or bonus or just a session with a screaming boss who is a pompous ass. I have seen all of these scenarios. I have seen co-workers experience them and break down into tears. And I have seen them stoically absorb the impact apparently without emotion. If you must cry, do all you can to hold off until you reach the bathroom, the parking lot, home or (worst case) until you are alone in your office. Tears in front of your boss, co-workers or subordinates say all the wrong things. If you think they will understand or forget about it – think again. They will never forget the image of your blubbering at work.
In spite of what the Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post and other publications say, it is not now, never has been and probably will never be acceptable to cry at work. Only injury or a death in the immediate family make tears OK. Otherwise, suck it up and find a way to deal with the upsetting moments at work. If you must cry, do it in a private place way from co-workers. Being sensitive may be in vogue socially but it is still a career killer for anyone in today’s work place.
George F. Franks, III is the President of Franks Consulting Group, a Bethesda, Maryland management consulting and leadership coaching practice. His web site is http://franksconsultinggroup.com. He can be contacted at gfranks@franksconsultinggroup.com
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